Living with Uncertainty is Okay

Somewhere along the road to becoming adults we decided that we needed to have control of our lives and have everything planned out before us all neatly in a row.  We decided this is what keeps us calm and makes us happy.

I know, I think the exact same way.  I am a planner.  I get giddy walking down the calendar aisle at Target.  I love to have things organized so I feel like I'm in control of my life.

It's why I'm mildly obsessed with Microsoft Excel.  I make spreadsheets for everything, anything.  Our finances, my cleaning schedule, my weekly To Do schedule, my son's daily routine.....if a spreadsheet can be made for it, I make it with a satisfied smile on my face.  Oh how lovely that everything fits so nice and tidy in each little box!

Unfortunately for me, life is not like this--for anyone--no matter what the career path.  But especially not with medical school.  Why can't I use a calendar to plan out or lives for rotations, after medschool, for residency, after residency?  There are so many unknowns, uncertainties, and whatifs....why doesn't everything just fit neatly into a box?

After completing year one of medschool, I've finally made my peace with not having our lives perfectly planned out even a little bit.  Sure, it still stresses me out sometimes, but I use to wage an internal battle against the medschool process without its knowledge.  It didn't do anything but give me anxiety and make me a bit bitter.  I've made my peace.  No spreadsheet for medschool. :)

I'm currently reading a thick book on creative writing, just for fun.  In it I found a quote that novelist Robert Stone said about the process of creative writing....and when I read it I immediately thought, "That's exactly like medical school!"  And life in general, really:

"It's like driving a car at night.  You can only see as far ahead as your headlights, but you can make the entire journey that way."

You can make the entire journey that way.  Now that was reassuring.  I guess it's kind of like my son's Easter egg hunt this year.  He didn't know where all the eggs were hidden, but he was happy as a clam to find one egg at a time, and eventually his basket was full.  One egg at a time.

(How's that for an analogy so I can include a cute picture of my son? :)

Bad News and Big Toes

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This week Studoc is learning how to deliver bad news.

Thankfully, unlike the comic, he is practicing on standardized patients.  (Paid actors trained to simulate real patients with particular health situations.)

Yesterday, a few lucky med students got to practice delivering bad news to the "patients" while the rest of the med students watched and openly critiqued them...hmm, no pressure, right?

Naturally, Studoc was one of the lucky chosen, and he was issued the hardest scenario that nobody wanted to get.  One student had to tell their "patient" they had pancreatic cancer, another had to give sad news of a miscarriage, another had to tell the son of a patient that their father who was set to leave the hospital that day suddenly had a heart attack and died, and a few other scenarios that of course are difficult, but yet "easy" in this exercise because the "doctor" mainly explains and consoles.

Enter Studoc's scenario which I will only sum up (each situations has a ton of made up details to make it sufficiently complicated).  Studoc's male patient contracted gonorrhea (had to look up how to spell that by the way!) while his military wife was deployed  and just recently returned.  So Studoc had to explain to them that the husband has an STD which implied that the husband had an affair and the wife needed to be tested because she probably has an STD now. Crazy, right?

Stop and take a breather here, friends.  This situation, though plausible, is not real.  Let's insert a happy face emoticon here ----> :)

Suddenly, the situation back at the "doctor's office" started to get amusing.  The husband and wife began a dramatic argument in front of Studoc (they were great actors I'm told).  The fighting is funnier if you know the husband was an old guy wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses and speaking with a southern drawl.  I doubt I could keep a straight face watching this scene knowing it's a fake fight!

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I know from personal experience that Studoc will be compassionate while delivering bad news.  At the beginning of our dating courtship, he had to sit me down and tell me that one of my friends--one of my only friends in the new city I recently moved to--had just died.  He did a perfect job communicating it to me directly and sensitively.  

Shortly after, I reflected on what a difficult thing he had to do so early in our relationship and how well he did it, I was always impressed and said to myself, "Self, this is the kind of man you want to marry.  The kind that can help you through hard times extremely well like that."

So I married him.  (When did this post become my life story??)  Let's just conclude here with a random picture of our son sucking his big toe.

Crusty

So I haven't posted anything for a little bit because Studoc has had tons of tests, and lately his studying is in the form of me playing "patient" (the noun and the adjective!).  More on that fun to come.

In the meantime, please enjoy this random cute picture of my kid complete with standard mouth crusties.

Pediatographer

Our cute little Bean

I just love this picture Studoc took.  He's taken so many others that are just ridiculosuly cute.  If he actually had time--and money--he'd definitely take up a photography hobby on the side.  I'm sure he will at some point in his career when things get a little more settled, because it's a hobby he truly enjoys. 

He doesn't yet know what he wants to specialize in with regard to medicine, but for the sake of joking around with him I say, "Hey--if you're a Pediatrician, you could totally have a photography studio at your practice!  Kids would come in for their shots, and leave vaccinated and with a convenient picture package!"  Parents would EAT THAT UP.  I know I would!  

You'd just have to be sure to take the pictures before the shots, obviously.  And you'd have to be prepared for a little logistical confusion ("Does my health insurance cover this 8X10?").  But other than that, I think it's a fantastic (and funny) way to combine his two passions!  Don't anybody steal my idea now...you heard it here first. :)

Labor Day "Vacation"

Today was Labor Day Holiday.  So Studoc didn't have school.

I wish I could say we slept in way late to catch up on much-needed sleep.
I wish I could say we spent the whole day at the beach basking in the warm sun and splashing in salty water.
I wish I could say we got together with a bunch of friends and family for dinner and had a rockin' BBQ.
I wish I could say we had a blissful, relaxing day where we got to be together alllllll day.

::sigh::

Well, all that didn't happen.  We got up at our normal times, and Studoc had to go to school to poke around at dead bodies.  He has a big lab practical next week, so he and a bunch of his classmates met at school to study the cadavers, because his practical is going to be something where the professor points to a bunch of different muscles, nerves, veins, arteries, bones, etc. on the cadaver, and he has to know what they all are and do.  Yeah, it's a LOT to know....hence the all day (and all week) studying.

BUT.......when he came home and needed a break, we went to a nearby park with Bean to feed the ducks in a pretty pond and play frisbee in the green grass.  It was really fun!

Bean with the ducks

Then we came home because Studoc had to study for several more hours.  But at least we got to spend a little more time together than normal and do something fun!