how to date your med student

One of my dear friends Bri recently did a sweet newlywed post about things she and her husband do to continue to date each other.  I've decided to do my own personal version of dating tips amidst med school life.  I'm not pretending to be good at these things all the time, but they are things I make an effort to do because they work for us.

1.  GET YOUR CALENDAR ON:

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I put it on my calendar: DATE NIGHT.  And if I already have an idea of what I'd like to do, I write that down as well.  For some, planning date nights on the calendar may seem mundane and/or unromantic.  But let me tell you....it reminds you both that you need to spend time together and break away from your normal busy living routine.  It also prevents you both from getting separately sucked into the TV, internet, etc, and then at 9:45pm suddenly thinking, "Shoot!  Tonight was supposed to be date night!" <----this has happened to us too many times!  And so I've learned to plan.

2.  DEFINE QUALITY TIME:

We like going to the local library as a family.  My boy just loves books.
And Studoc and I have sparkling conversations about different books and authors as we browse.

What does "quality time" mean to you?  What does it mean to your husband?  With limited time between daily life and studying, it's important to define what quality time means to you as a couple, as it means something different for everybody.  EXAMPLE:  Studoc will watch TV with me sometimes on a study break.  Later, I may complain, "I feel like I haven't gotten to spend time with you today."  He may respond, "But I watched TV with you for a while on my study break...did that not count?"  Well, yes and no.  These days time "together" means anytime Studoc's at home, even if he's locked away studying.  But quality time?  That means something a little more to me.  Don't get me wrong, I wholeheartedly appreciate any and every minute he spends with me with his busy schedule.  I just feel it important to make time for activities where you both feel like you've really reconnected.


3.  CALL ERRANDS DATES:

Don't judge moms for letting their kids do this in the toy aisle until you have a kid.
I promise you'll understand! :)

Our situation equation right now is: POOR + NO BABYSITTERS + LIMITED TIME = DATE ERRANDS.  For example, we have Target Date Nights.  We always seem to need something from Target, so we pick up what we need and have a grand old time perusing the aisles together.  We hug each other as we watch our 2 year old have a blast in the toy aisle playing with toys we can't afford.  My point is, it doesn't matter what you do, it just matters who you're with.  And if you label certain errands as "dates" then you both act differently--there is more sweetness in your voices.  More hand-holding.  More stolen kisses.  Even if you're at Target.


4.  GET EXCITED:

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Part of the fun is simply having something to look forward to and getting excited about it.  It also makes me less grumpy about not being able to spend a lot of time with Studoc during the week.  You'll be in your office studying tonight again?  Okay, at least I have date night to look forward to at the end of the week.  And when Friday comes, I'll tell Studoc how excited I am for date time and we talk it up.  I'll text him extra sweet texts during the day, and he'll send some back if he can.  It's great to have something to look forward to.  Even if we end up laying in bed together watching episodes of Chuck on the laptop while eating ice cream. <--- actually one of our favorite things!!

5.  FORGET HOW POOR YOU ARE (once in a while):

Studoc and I are very careful with our money, and we don't go out to eat or spend a lot (as evidenced by my cheap date confessions thus far).  But once in a while, you gotta forget how poor you are and treat yourselves!  Studoc and I recently celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary.  We went to a really nice Brazilian steakhouse while visiting my family in San Diego.  It costs a pretty penny.  But it was definitely worth it to celebrate with all you can eat mouthwatering meat brought to your table constantly on impressive swords.  We will typically go out to eat somewhere or spend money doing something fun after Studoc finishes a bunch of big tests...it's a much-needed, well-deserved reward for us both!

What are some tips or ideas on dating that you have in your relationship?

Bad News and Big Toes

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This week Studoc is learning how to deliver bad news.

Thankfully, unlike the comic, he is practicing on standardized patients.  (Paid actors trained to simulate real patients with particular health situations.)

Yesterday, a few lucky med students got to practice delivering bad news to the "patients" while the rest of the med students watched and openly critiqued them...hmm, no pressure, right?

Naturally, Studoc was one of the lucky chosen, and he was issued the hardest scenario that nobody wanted to get.  One student had to tell their "patient" they had pancreatic cancer, another had to give sad news of a miscarriage, another had to tell the son of a patient that their father who was set to leave the hospital that day suddenly had a heart attack and died, and a few other scenarios that of course are difficult, but yet "easy" in this exercise because the "doctor" mainly explains and consoles.

Enter Studoc's scenario which I will only sum up (each situations has a ton of made up details to make it sufficiently complicated).  Studoc's male patient contracted gonorrhea (had to look up how to spell that by the way!) while his military wife was deployed  and just recently returned.  So Studoc had to explain to them that the husband has an STD which implied that the husband had an affair and the wife needed to be tested because she probably has an STD now. Crazy, right?

Stop and take a breather here, friends.  This situation, though plausible, is not real.  Let's insert a happy face emoticon here ----> :)

Suddenly, the situation back at the "doctor's office" started to get amusing.  The husband and wife began a dramatic argument in front of Studoc (they were great actors I'm told).  The fighting is funnier if you know the husband was an old guy wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses and speaking with a southern drawl.  I doubt I could keep a straight face watching this scene knowing it's a fake fight!

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I know from personal experience that Studoc will be compassionate while delivering bad news.  At the beginning of our dating courtship, he had to sit me down and tell me that one of my friends--one of my only friends in the new city I recently moved to--had just died.  He did a perfect job communicating it to me directly and sensitively.  

Shortly after, I reflected on what a difficult thing he had to do so early in our relationship and how well he did it, I was always impressed and said to myself, "Self, this is the kind of man you want to marry.  The kind that can help you through hard times extremely well like that."

So I married him.  (When did this post become my life story??)  Let's just conclude here with a random picture of our son sucking his big toe.

Love or sleep?

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Let's get one thing out on the table.  I'm definitely one of those people who needs to get a good night's sleep.  Needs as in mandatory or else I am literally sick the next day and my mean shameful short-tempered crankypants side of myself rears its ugly head.  It's not a pretty picture here, people.  My point:  Sleep is extremely important to me.

Know what else is important to me?  My husband.  Studoc and I are like those annoying teenage romances where you want to be with each other every minute of the day and talk/text to each other all day because we miss each other all day.  Sappy, huh?  But seriously, even 4 1/2 years married and 1 kid later, we still cannot seem to get sick of each other and still participate in some puppy love rituals.  Like, for instance, always giving each other a hug and kiss when one of us leaves the other.  This is very important to us, especially since we don't see a whole lot of each other these days.

Enter my dilemma:  Studoc leaves for school before I wake up.  Do I have him gently wake me to give me a hug and kiss good-bye which makes it harder and sometimes impossible to fall back asleep?  Or do I tell him not to say good-bye before he leaves so I don't lose out on precious sleep?  Each night before bed I tell him whether or not to say good-bye to me in the morning so I can try it both ways.  This may not seem like a big deal, but it makes a big difference in our day to briefly connect before our demanding days take over (also see above about being super lame in love with each other).

I guess I could go to bed eariler so that when he says good-bye it's not imperative for me to get those extra hours, just in case I can't go back to sleep.  Sounds nice and easy....great advice, Mel.  Top notch.  Except for the fact that we're night owls no matter how hard we try to go to bed early!  But that's another story...