How to Interpret Your Med Student

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1.  Studoc:  "I have a test in 3 weeks."
     Interpretation:  "You won't see me for 3 weeks."


2.  Studoc:  "I'm on my way to anatomy lab."
     Interpretation:  "I can't text you for the next 3 hours, cuz I'll be elbow-deep in a dead guy."


3.  Studoc:  "My quiz is in the morning."
     Interpretation:  "I'll be up studying all night, so sleep with this pillow next to you."

4.  Studoc:  "I learned something really interesting today."

     Interpretation:  "...and now I want to practice it on YOU!"


5.  Studoc:  "What?  I don't remember saying I'd take out the trash."
     Interpretation:  "My brain is so jam-packed I now communicate on autopilot."

6.  Studoc:  "We worked on cadavers again today."

     Interpretation:  "...and that's why I smell all funky."

7.  Studoc:  "I wouldn't be able to do all this without you."
     Interpretation:  "I wouldn't be able to do all this without you."

Bad News and Big Toes

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This week Studoc is learning how to deliver bad news.

Thankfully, unlike the comic, he is practicing on standardized patients.  (Paid actors trained to simulate real patients with particular health situations.)

Yesterday, a few lucky med students got to practice delivering bad news to the "patients" while the rest of the med students watched and openly critiqued them...hmm, no pressure, right?

Naturally, Studoc was one of the lucky chosen, and he was issued the hardest scenario that nobody wanted to get.  One student had to tell their "patient" they had pancreatic cancer, another had to give sad news of a miscarriage, another had to tell the son of a patient that their father who was set to leave the hospital that day suddenly had a heart attack and died, and a few other scenarios that of course are difficult, but yet "easy" in this exercise because the "doctor" mainly explains and consoles.

Enter Studoc's scenario which I will only sum up (each situations has a ton of made up details to make it sufficiently complicated).  Studoc's male patient contracted gonorrhea (had to look up how to spell that by the way!) while his military wife was deployed  and just recently returned.  So Studoc had to explain to them that the husband has an STD which implied that the husband had an affair and the wife needed to be tested because she probably has an STD now. Crazy, right?

Stop and take a breather here, friends.  This situation, though plausible, is not real.  Let's insert a happy face emoticon here ----> :)

Suddenly, the situation back at the "doctor's office" started to get amusing.  The husband and wife began a dramatic argument in front of Studoc (they were great actors I'm told).  The fighting is funnier if you know the husband was an old guy wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses and speaking with a southern drawl.  I doubt I could keep a straight face watching this scene knowing it's a fake fight!

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I know from personal experience that Studoc will be compassionate while delivering bad news.  At the beginning of our dating courtship, he had to sit me down and tell me that one of my friends--one of my only friends in the new city I recently moved to--had just died.  He did a perfect job communicating it to me directly and sensitively.  

Shortly after, I reflected on what a difficult thing he had to do so early in our relationship and how well he did it, I was always impressed and said to myself, "Self, this is the kind of man you want to marry.  The kind that can help you through hard times extremely well like that."

So I married him.  (When did this post become my life story??)  Let's just conclude here with a random picture of our son sucking his big toe.

Doctor's Handwriting

Studoc told me the other day that his medical school professors encourage bad handwriting.

Surprised?  Confused?  Me too.

Apparently, one of Studoc's professors has repeatedly shared her story of when she was beginning her career as a doctor and she had pretty penmanship and a legible signature.  Then one day, a patient of hers forged her nice handwriting and signature to write himself a prescription for 2 pounds of cocaine.  He proceeded to the pharmacy with his prescription to obtain his 2 pounds of cocaine.  Obviously, this flagged suspicion at the pharmacy and he was caught.  (Shocker!)

First of all:  Cocaine???  Really???  Dude, at least write it out for Vicodin or something somewhat believable that they'd actually have at the pharmacy.  I guess I shouldn't expect much from someone wanting cocaine and willing to commit forgery.


Second of all:  2 pounds???  C'mon buddy.  I don't even know what to say.

Professor's moral of the story:  Bad handwriting is harder to forge.  And all this time I just figured doctors were in too much of a hurry to write neatly, or that they probably write so many prescriptions each day that the penmanship simply becomes sloppy.  I'm sure there's some of that in there, too.

This professor actually chastised a student in class for having too neat a signature and told him to change it, and he's not too happy about it.

We typically think of things like signatures as our own very personal marks.  But I guess when it's something critically important to your job and reputation it becomes more business than personal.   I was a bank teller for many years, and we all had to come up with very unique signatures and initials for the hundreds of money matters we approved and signed off on each day.  Having a unique signature and initials meant my job.

Thankfully, Studoc (love you honey!) already has very doctorish handwriting, and a signature that...well, let's just say.....it would be incredibly difficult to forge. :)

You Know You're a Med Wife When...

...you know a shocking amount of information about Lyme Disease, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, and the Plague.

Here's a pic of a happy sunflower instead of the plague.  You're welcome!

Studoc is swamped studying for his finals which are today, tomorrow, and Friday.  I have been quizzing him with flashcards on tons of drugs....their method of action, what they're used for, and their toxicities.  Many of them have names that look like a bunch of consonants strung together in random fashion.    

Another thing that helps Studoc study is when I let him talk at me.  As in, he stands up and talks at me about the material in teacher-student fashion because it helps him remember the material and sort it out.  I sit and try to appear interested (college made me super good at this) but really I'm just trying to keep my eyes open because I don't understand a word.  Little does he know the whole time I look intrigued I'm just thinking, "Wow, it's so amazing to have him home tonight.  Even if he's studying and saying all this gobble-di-gook at me...so great to have him home..."  Occasionally, he'll say something I understand, and I'll say "Hey!  I've heard of that!"  But that's about it.  Pretty rare, truth be told.


So, lately I've listened to a tidal wave of information about crazy diseases and viruses....which isn't good considering I'm pretty much a hypochondriac.

Studoc:  "These are the signs and symptoms of blibbidy-blob disease...."
Me:  "I feel tired a lot and get upset stomach and more stuff just like you said.  Do I have that disease?"
Studoc:  "No."
Me:  (reaching for laptop to confirm on all-knowing Wikipedia that I don't have said disease)
Studoc:  "Don't look it up!  It'll just freak you out more.  I promise you don't have blibbidy-blob disease."
Me:  (sigh)  "Oh, alright."

I guess for now I'll just have to trust that I don't have the Plague. :)  But dude, hearing about all this freaky stuff makes me want to scrub my whole apartment down with bleach, never touch any animals, and basically live in a bubble.

P.S.  I'm from So. Cal.  I'm allowed to say dude. :)

My husband thought this was hilarious. And it is!

Pediatographer

Our cute little Bean

I just love this picture Studoc took.  He's taken so many others that are just ridiculosuly cute.  If he actually had time--and money--he'd definitely take up a photography hobby on the side.  I'm sure he will at some point in his career when things get a little more settled, because it's a hobby he truly enjoys. 

He doesn't yet know what he wants to specialize in with regard to medicine, but for the sake of joking around with him I say, "Hey--if you're a Pediatrician, you could totally have a photography studio at your practice!  Kids would come in for their shots, and leave vaccinated and with a convenient picture package!"  Parents would EAT THAT UP.  I know I would!  

You'd just have to be sure to take the pictures before the shots, obviously.  And you'd have to be prepared for a little logistical confusion ("Does my health insurance cover this 8X10?").  But other than that, I think it's a fantastic (and funny) way to combine his two passions!  Don't anybody steal my idea now...you heard it here first. :)

You know you're a med wife when...

...a simple, relaxing massage by your husband inevitably turns into a full-fledged anatomy lesson.

Actual conversation 1:

ME:  That feels great on my neck....my neck has felt tight lately.

STUDOC:  Yeah, this is where your (such and such) artery is.  It starts here, and connects here, and here are some of your lymphnodes....

ME:  ....wow.  This is so relaxing.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Actual conversation 2:

STUDOC:  Can you take off your socks so I can feel your feet?

ME:  Sure!  I'd love a foot massage!

STUDOC:  (feeling my feet)  Today we learned how to feel a person's pulse in two different places on the foot....(uncomfortable poking and prodding)

ME:  Um, that kind of hurts.

STUDOC:  Sorry....(with enthusiasm) see look!....I can feel your pulse here......and ........here.......

ME:  Hmmm.....that's great.  This is the worst foot massage ever.

STUDOC:  (laughs)  And I can feel your (such and such) ligaments...

ME:  (sigh) (smile) :)

Coloring in Med School!

Yesterday in med school, Studoc told me they were learning to identify surface bones and organs.  So what did they do?  They were given a bunch of washable markers and told to draw and color on their partners.  Studoc said he felt like a first-grader coloring but that it was really funny and actually great practice.

So he drew on his partner.....bones around the face and sinuses, arteries in the neck, sternum and stuff around the chest (girls wear sports bras and they work around them, in case you're wondering...and I would list more stuff they outlined and colored, but that's the extent of anatomy I remember from 9th grade Biology).  So people ended up looking all Halloween-ish and like human cartoons.  Isn't that funny??

Apparently Studoc dodged a bullet and wasn't drawn on because they ran out of time.  Bummer.  I totally would've made fun of him! :)

So that's what my husband in a professional school did yesterday.  Colored with markers.  Awesome.